


Cold

by IKomma



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27976944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IKomma/pseuds/IKomma
Summary: The night is cold, she has been colder. He knows something is wrong and soon he will find out what is keeping them apart.
Relationships: Karai/Leonardo (TMNT)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note, the characters in the story are in their early twenties. Nothing explicitly suggests that in the story, but I felt the need to state it as I'm an adult, and I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing this story implying the characters are the same age as in the show. While wrting, I was imagining much more mature versions of them, both physically and mentally.  
> (Also I haven't written anything in five years so... be kind, please.)

_"And I see it so clear  
We play hard  
Yes, we love our love  
Most of all  
But the time we spent  
In this situation circumstance  
I'll see you around  
The next time you come to town  
I'll see you around  
The next time you call"_

_-Weyes Blood, Mirror Forever_

* * *

**Cold**

* * *

“Fuck, it’s freezing”

As the last few raindrops landed at his feet, he realized that meeting outside in the cold like that was becoming a less and less viable plan. Not that having to meet in secret every other night was a good idea in itself, but these low temperatures had only been making the situation worse for both of them. Well, especially for him. Being cold-blooded and all that.

Leo checked his phone for what felt like the hundredth time. No missed calls, no messages. And although time did seem to pass more slowly anyway due to the weather conditions, there was no denying an unsettling fact – she was late. Again.

For weeks he’d been losing sleep over how distant she had seemed every time they met. He’d been teased relentlessly by his brothers and frowned upon by his father over how far away his mind seemed to wander during practice, or dinner time, or any waking time at all. The only thing on his head was the tormenting voice that kept saying “she’s over you, it’s over for you” over and over and over again, the dark circles around his eyes a grim testament to his reality.

But still, he could not accept this fear as a fact, because every time she looked away, he would step closer. And every time she would hold her breath, as she’d done the first time, and he would always lean in for a kiss with a smile on his face, feeling her heartbeat on his chest, knowing that at least some part of her heart belonged to him and him alone. He would feel her cold hands trying to avoid his skin so as not to inflict more cold on him, and he would put them on his cheeks, on his neck, in his mouth…

They hadn’t moved as far as they would like. In truth, they hadn’t even talked about how far they would like to take it. It was almost like an unspoken agreement between them, for as long as they had to remain hidden, for as long as they could not claim any place as their own, they would keep things as casual as they could. Not because they didn’t want to, not because they didn’t lust for each other’s touch, or because they were too scared that the anticipation of their union would turn out to have been more exciting than the execution. None of that held them back.

What had always stopped them, was that what they had was simply a taboo. If their families knew, they would disown them. If the world knew, they would hunt them down. If their relationship ever surfaced, no one would ever look at them the same. Neither of them could handle the shame, the guilt of betraying their families by dating their worst enemy’s kin, the humiliation of pursuing a passion that goes against every law. At least, Leo thought the same was true for her. He couldn’t be sure. All he knew was they both had tried to stay away from each other, even if eventually it turned out they were unable to. And he also knew, for as long as things remained that way, for as long as their love was forbidden, they would not ask each other for more.

As he stood there on top of the highest building he could find, looking for any sign of her but also hiding from the world, these thoughts seemed to soak in his fears and seep through his skin like poison. He could feel the icy wind burn his face and her absence rip through his heart as his whole body started to shiver. He would really have to leave soon. He would really have to go to sleep without having seen her again, but this time he could feel it would be the end.

He started to turn to make his way down, but he saw her. Startled, and suddenly upset, he demanded to know where she had been all night. “Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

“Aw, did you think something happened to me?” she teased, pretending to sound offended.

“You can’t play games with me, Karai!” he spat out, admittedly louder than he had intended, and the smile left her face as her eyebrows came together, making him regret ever getting mad at her. “You can’t disappear and expect me to not care” he added, dropping his gaze down to his feet, embarrassed at how he had lost his cool so easily. When he looked up at her again, she seemed to have shrunk down. His heart ached and he felt stupid. He stepped closer and took her hands in his. “Karai, I am so, so sorry, I-”

“No no, it’s okay Leo, you are right. I shouldn’t have done this”.

Were those tears in her eyes? “It’s okay, love, you’re here now” he whispered in her ear as he pulled her close, smelling her hair, stroking her back, soaking in the warmth of her skin. “ _Something’s wrong with her”_ he kept thinking. _“Something’s wrong”_ his mind screamed like an alarm.

She pulled away, but held his hands. Did she realize how hard she was squeezing them? She only did this when she was afraid, and that wasn’t very often in his experience.

“I wanted to come sooner, but…” He waited. _“Here it comes”_ he thought. _“She’s breaking it off”_. And he’d been waiting for it. Dreading it, but expecting it. He had had the time to come to terms with it, even if he hated the thought of seeing her without ever being able to stop pretending she’s an adversary. He hated it, but he was ready, he would take it. If this is what she wanted, he would agree.

She turned around without ever finishing that sentence, and looked out into the night, into the blinding city lights. She hugged herself to stop the cold from taking control of her body, but Leo could still see small shivers running through her shoulders and down her spine. He had never wanted to hold her more.

“You know I love you, don’t you?” she asked, turning her head a little so she could she him from the corner of her eye, standing and looking at a loss. “Why aren’t you answering? I love you.”

“I’m scared” he admitted. Did she say the word love? Was the situation really that serious? “I think I know where this is going…”

“You don’t”. She couldn’t see his face, but she could see him standing up more straight, his body posture screaming he was becoming more hopeful. “You don’t, but it’s still not good”.

He was growing impatient. She finally turned around to face him. “Don’t look angry at me, this isn’t easy…”

“Tell me what isn’t easy, Karai” he urged, “I can accept anything, but I need to know.”

She mumbled her words. “I can’t understand you, please tell me what’s going on” he begged.

She inhaled a sharp breath, and the words she spoke took away his. “I’m leaving New York. Tomorrow.”

_No. No no no no-_

“Y-you… no… Karai, what are you saying! Look at- Look at me!”

He was bordering on hysterical as he was gripping her shoulders and dropping down on the ground with her, both on their knees, he was asking her to stop lying, crying out that it’s not funny, begging her to take the words back. “Please, please tell me it’s not true…”

“But it is, Leo.” She put one hand under his chin and lifted his head away from her chest so she could look at him. “Shredder wants me with him in Tokyo, and I am going”.

He shook his head, still in disbelief. “You don’t have to go. You can get out of it. You can figure it out! Say you’ll stay to lead the Foot Clan or… or-”

“No! Leo, I… I know I can stay. I know. But I don’t think I should.”

“Oh…” No amount of physical pain could ever hurt him so much as these words that stabbed him right in his heart. “I understand…”

“Do you, Leo?”

“Don’t make me say it, please…”

“Is it that you think I want to stay away from you? Because that’s not it.”

He was silent, looking at her expectantly. She didn’t seem to want to say more, but he gestured for her to continue, fearing that if he actually spoke the words, his voice would crack.

Her sighs before each sentence were starting to upset him. Why couldn’t she just speak already.

“It’s not that I don’t feel things for you.” She always had such trouble saying the word love, now that he thought about it. How she must have felt when she said it before… “It’s pretty much the opposite… I…”

She got up and he stayed looking up at her from below. At her mercy, at her feet, he had already begged and he would do it again and again for her. Even with tears on her face and her shoulders slumped, the way the lights illuminated her skin, her every angle and curve… All he could see was perfection. God, she was beautiful. She tossed his heart from that roof, but such a heavenly creature could ruin him even by just gracing him with a stare.

“Please continue” he urged, speaking only loud enough for her to hear.

“I am not used to getting less than I deserve. And you are perfect. You really are. I don’t know what you think about me, but I couldn’t care less what anyone has to say about you and me!” The gates had opened and he knew he would finally hear the whole truth from her perspective tonight. “I don’t want them to know. Because it’s easier… It’s better if it’s just for you and me… But my problem doesn’t lie in other people. It lies with you. Somewhere along the way, I discovered your fatal flaw”.

He was curious now. So his fatal flaw wasn’t that he was a giant mutant? Or is it normal to see green dudes with shells in Japan?

“Well, a flaw for this relationship at least.”

She was looking him dead in the eye, he could feel the accusation boiling underneath her skin even before she spoke at all. But when she did, he thought she’d gone crazy.

“You love me. But you are not loyal to me”.

“I’m- what!”

“You wouldn’t do the same things for me that I would do for you” she finished.

He didn’t fully understand it, but he felt insulted by her words. His eyes narrowed. “And how did you come to this conclusion?”

“Oh don’t get angry with me Leo! You wanted the truth and that’s it”.

“Give me an example then, would you?”

She hated his tone, he could tell. “Right now. You are asking me to abandon my father and stay here, with you. So. What would you do if I asked you to leave _your_ father and come with _me_?”

“… What are you even talking about-”

“No, it’s not a hypothetical scenario. I am asking you. Come to Japan with me.”

“This is not fair! You are the one leaving!”

“And you’re the one not following. You would never follow me, but I know that for you, I’d do it in an instant.”

“Why can’t I believe that” he spat as he finally stood up, almost ready to leave, but scared this would be the last time he saw her. So he stayed, even though his heartache made it feel like he hated her in that moment.

“For weeks I was trying to get out of it”. She had his attention now. “I talked it over and over with Shredder, until he finally agreed I was ready to lead in his place, at least for a while”.

“So what changed? Why do you want to ruin everything we have?”

“Because on the night when I had decided to tell you, you said something that changed how I saw things. You told me that story, about how your family came to be. You made it very clear you would sacrifice everything for them. I don’t want you to one day decide to leave me because Splinter doesn’t approve of me” she scoffed.

“You are crazy! You are not seriously asking me to…” He swallowed his words. She wasn’t really asking for anything that shouldn’t be expected in a devoted relationship. “You…” She was ready to let her father leave without her, but deep down he knew, he wouldn’t do the same.

“ _Now_ you understand”. She sounded hurt. His silence had made the betrayal official. He was the less devoted one. He was the one who wouldn’t take the risk for her. How was it that him putting the knife in her back felt worse than her leaving him?

They sat in silence. They didn’t speak a word the whole night. They stayed in each other’s arms, quietly processing, silently honoring their last few moments together. After ignoring the first few calls from his brothers, he decided it was best to turn off his phone completely. The truth was, he was a little angry with them. Well, not exactly with them, rather with himself and how he could not seem to find the strength to leave them to follow his love. Until that night, he really did believe he would follow her to the end of the world, but when it came down to that, he proved himself to be a coward.

He was the one scared, all this time, about what the world would say, what his father and siblings would do… But he trusted her words when she said she would follow him anywhere. She would stay for him, if only she knew he would do the same for her. He couldn’t even offer her that much. He had failed her. 

He closed his eyes, and consciously redirected the anger he felt for his family at himself. He still couldn’t bring himself to call them, but he texted that he was safe and he would be back soon, before putting the phone to the ground beside him for good.

He knew she’d been peeking over his shoulder to see what he was writing. She was always so curious. He loved that about her. He thought of his brother, Raphael, and how much he hated others not minding their business. _“Don’t think about him now, idiot!”_

She was curious, but she could also pick up on every emotion he felt. It wasn’t hard, he was horrible at hiding how he felt, but she was extra good at reading him. She knew he needed a distraction, and she did too, so she offered them both one. She took his hand in both of hers and kissed his knuckles. Then she leaned in closer, teasing him with a kiss that wasn’t quite coming yet. His whole body shivered with anticipation. When her lips did touch his, the whole universe stood still and then caved all at once when her hands started dancing on his chest, on his stomach, and when she reached even further down.

One by one the pieces of her armor were removed, one by one the words that had hurt them faded to a low hum in the back of their heads, as their bodies collided and their broken hearts pretended to feel whole for a few moments. Hot kisses left traces that the harsh wind took advantage of and used to make them feel even colder, but each touch felt hotter than the sun, each bite forced the blood to flow faster, with each gasp for breath they ignored the icy air they were swallowing.

By the time they were done and resting, half-awake and half-dreaming, they were both shivering and wiping their noses on their arms, but neither wanted to leave before the sun shone. And when it did, Karai got up without ever looking back, and disappeared into the daylight.

On his way back, he couldn’t stop sneezing. When he returned home, he avoided every question about where he’d been and only asked to be left in peace. Everyone was pretty angry with him, they couldn’t let go of how irresponsible his behavior was, but Michelangelo still brought him soup and some tissues.

Leonardo didn’t leave his bed all day. His fever didn’t seem to go down, but he knew it had to do with her more than anything. He didn’t care. If he was sick, they would leave him alone. For another day, another week, if this fever was connected to his heartbreak, he thought his sickness would never be cured. It was still better than being clear-headed and remembering the past night in vivid detail. For now, foggy glimpses in his memories of her bare skin intertwined with her silhouette as she was leaving were hurtful enough.

Splinter was angry, but not heartless. He felt sorry for his son. He didn’t know what burden he was carrying emotionally, but he did all he could to alleviate his physical one, at least. Despite the protests and the threats that they would melt or die of heat coming from the rest of his boys, he turned up the central heating of their home.

Leo didn’t know if he was sweating because of the fever or the damn heat. But he was too preoccupied with the hell inside of him to even bother to care for the one around him. Egoistically, he was receiving the boiling temperature as a punishment for his inaction the night before. And so, he decided he would bear it. And still, in spite of the temperature, the shivers didn’t seize to torture him. _“How is it possible…”_ he thought to himself as he tightened the covers around him. He felt like he was having a heatstroke and yet he swore New York had never felt so cold before.


End file.
